


Wherein an Anarchy State is Established

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [38]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amazonia (Rambleverse Setting), Gen, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse, Pike's Reclaimed Captaincy (Rambleverse Timeline)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-05
Updated: 2010-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LJ user Captain_Bookcat prompted, "something ridiculous happens on the Enterprise and Jim isn't involved (for once)... apparently I am in the mood for fun and cracky space shenanigans?"</p><p>Teaser:  It was also decreed during the Reign of Golden Happiness that the blind-spot become a regulation-free zone, but Jim had absolutely nothing to do with that decision, and indeed had no idea that blind-spot existed until months later when Pike gave him a wink and told him to check out some mysterious energy drains in the area.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein an Anarchy State is Established

**Author's Note:**

> This refers to several events and themes from the ramble!fic [wherein Jim has a problem with Chekov](http://archiveofourown.org/works/626786).
> 
> Also contains a brief homage to the excellent children's novel, _The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm_.

  


Chekov has started cross-training. That, in itself, is not odd; Pike likes for his crew to cross-train, and frequently launches into motivational speeches on the subject, most of which tend to devolve into terrifying war stories with the moral that you'd better learn every station on the ship because some day you might be the only person on deck not quite yet dead of decompression.

Additionally, Pike likes to spring a new rotation on Jim every couple of weeks all sneaky-like and genial, as if banishing Jim to Engineering to split his knuckles open on a broken rotary wrench is some great learning experience (which, ok, it technically _is_ a learning experience, and Jim has done research to confirm every single war story so he knows that Pike isn't dicking around, but if Jim didn't complain about it then Pike would have no reason to get his bark on and it's the simple things that make the guy happy.)

Anyway, Jim cross-trains a lot, and that sets a shining example for the crew which they all jump to follow because, as said before, _shiny_ , and there's that whole "grass is greener" thing going on because all the Comms people think tool belts are so sexy but Engineering really wants to try those fancy ear buds and Medical has all the cool beepy equipment and every single rumor about the Science department is true. Even the rumors which have been officially refuted (in fact, those are _extra_ true.)

Also, Chekov's a suck-up. He can't help it. He just wants to excel in his career and be admired by his superiors, is all, and he probably chose to cross-train in Medical because he wants to help save the lives of his fellow crewmen. Chekov's a good kid, ok, and Sulu can just stop with the insinuations otherwise. And Bones can stop backing him up; just because the kid tends to run screaming at the sight of a dead body doesn't mean that he needs some dark and evil ulterior motive to volunteer at the morgue. Maybe he's trying to overcome his fear, ok, and that's downright admirable and, you know, _plucky_. Jim likes plucky.

Really, the only thing that bothers Jim about Chekov going through the modules for nurses' assistant is that he really wants to ask if Chekov had to learn how to insert a catheter. Unfortunately, Jim is a gentleman officer now and some subjects can't be broached in polite company. Not that the mess hall and rec rooms are always polite, necessarily, but there's a far cry between fart jokes and gruesome medical procedures (unless you're eating with the medical staff, of course, but the first thing Jim discovered as a fresh-faced cadet was that food and medical staff do not mix. Unless it's Bones making him a sandwich. Bones always makes sure the mustard spreads all the way to the crust and that's a rare sign of devotion right there, and possibly the main reason that Jim took up residence in his pocket for all those years. Sandwiches are serious business.)

So the upshot is that Jim feels the only way he can comfortably grill Chekov on the grislier details of his cross-training is in that sweet little dead-end corridor on E deck, just aft of the starboard auxiliary air system control center. It's a camera blind-spot about twenty square yards in size, supposedly the result of bastardizing three or four ship plans to come up with the "brand new" Constitution class or, alternatively, the result of a scatterbrained ship designer resting his coffee cup in the middle of the blueprints while he was working on them. There are other possible explanations but they all involve tribbles and were invented by Scotty while drunk. That doesn't mean those explanations don't hold a germ of brilliant insight, of course, but it's verboten to encourage Scotty in his cups. That rule was instated during the Kirkian Era, in the Reign of Golden Happiness (as Jim so modestly calls it) and Captain Pike graciously agreed to keep it on the books when he ushered in the Reign of Unbearable Sarcasm.

It was also decreed during the Reign of Golden Happiness that the blind-spot become a regulation-free zone, but Jim had absolutely nothing to do with that decision, and indeed had no idea that blind-spot existed until months later when Pike gave him a wink and told him to check out some mysterious energy drains in the area. Not that Pike had any idea what was going on down there, of course, and didn't expect Jim's investigation to uncover anything notable, of course, and he obviously doesn't need any details of the Things Not Occurring but if Jim could keep an eye out that'd be great, and get some sleep for Christ's sake; I can't work you to death if you're already a zombie.

Aw, Pikey-poo, you're such a sweetheart, Jim had said, and promptly passed out on the couch. That probably wasn't what Pike had intended but Jim had been sleeping on that couch for the past three months, ok, and honestly couldn't remember where his new quarters were.

Shortly afterward the reg-free corridor was christened Amazonia. Jim wanted to call it the Room of Requirement but he was shouted down by mean and hurtful arguments such as "I can't believe how lame you are" and "That doesn't even make sense, dorkface." His only solace was the soft-spoken statement that, "It'd be cool to pretend to be wizards, though. I have some wands in my quarters." He and Sulu totally fist-bumped and now have a standing date with Scotty to work on inventing functional Quidditch equipment. It's gonna be _epic_ , assuming Pike doesn't find out and make them stop.

Anyway, Jim brought up the idea of inviting Chekov into their anarchist wonderland and surprisingly, public opinion was sharply divided.

Uhura is in favor, but Jim suspects that there is some element of revenge in her desire to trap Chekov in a dark corner where he can't call Security to save him or later file a report. Jim would speculate that it's fall-out from Skirtgate but fortunately that is a Captain Kirk problem, not a Commander Kirk problem, and as long as all the truces are being upheld he doesn't need to hear anything about it. Sulu, the epicenter of Skirtgate and thus the guy who owes Jim the biggest favor, is keeping tabs.

Obviously Jim is in favor of inviting Chekov, but he has been determined to be Not Reliable when it comes to scrying the souls of young navigators and what the hell is up with that anyway. He's Second Officer; the only people who get to make capitalized assessments of him like that are Pike and Spock and they do it plenty, ok, sometimes even in tandem, so Jim doesn't need that kind of lip from his inferior officers.

Of course it's an automatic fail to mention that in Amazonia, because someone (usually Uhura, if she's there) will question the exact criteria for "inferior" and though everyone present knows full well it refers to rank, they somehow turn it into a discussion of how anything that Jim can do, someone there can do better (which is so stupid and petty because who even cares about stuff like highest scores on Frogger; not Jim, that's who, and Scotty probably hacked the console anyway.) Jim's only unique skill is sulking, apparently, but he'll kick anyone in the shins who mentions that (conveniently where the bruises will be covered up by uniform boots) and maybe, just maybe, he has some secondary motivations for getting Chekov in the club.

But really, if Amazonia is such a free state, shouldn't it be open to everyone? Jim has espoused this argument at length and most people agree, albeit some only conditionally, and if it were a fair world the strength of those laissez-faire votes would have Chekov initiated in a minute. Unfortunately, there are a few steadfast dissenters. Voting is anonymous so Jim doesn't know who they all are, but in a _completely surprising_ turn of events Bones has been loud and opinionated so Jim knows he's one of them.

Also a shocker is that Bones' main problem is that Chekov is "too young." Bones absolutely refuses to enter a philosophical discussion about what is age, really, and what use are years to measure a man's soul? After some prodding he'll belt out that Chekov really doesn't need to be exposed to a world without rules because teenage boys are the scourge of the earth (he also refuses to entertain the counterpoint that they aren't exactly on Earth, are they, and will sometimes go so far as to blanch alarmingly, supposedly as an autonomic fear reaction but Jim makes a point never to underestimate the acting skills of people who have seen him in his underwear. He hasn't gotten nearly enough compliments to believe that everyone is being honest.)

Clearly Jim could completely demolish Bones in debate if he wanted to. He just doesn't want to because Bones is his friend, that's all, and his tendency to drop the subject has nothing to do with the possibility that Bones is some kind of pantsing genius with a deadly accurate wet willy. That's just a hypothetical notion, really, or thought experiment, and has certainly not been proven true in front of multiple witnesses and a few personal recording devices and accompanied by a spontaneous, rhythmic chant of "Boy fight! Boy fight! Boy fight!" which is a _total crock_ , by the way, because whenever two women get feisty and Jim starts chanting "Chick fight!" he gets in trouble. For a supposedly reg-free zone, there are a lot of things you're not allowed to do in Amazonia.

Gaila agrees that this is a terrible state of affairs. They're gathering other like-minded individuals in a secret cabal called the Chaotic Neutrals and vow to bring about a cultural revolution in Amazonia because, see, you should ask not what your camera blind-spot can do for you, but what you can do for your camera blind-spot. So let the poisonous social factions of Amazonia block Chekov's initiation; Jim is working to bring about a better world for future generations. Chekov will reap the benefits in due time.

The kid's been awfully busy in his off-duty hours lately, anyway. He's getting heavy into the medical training and morgue duty, and Jim's heard that he's doing a research project on Rome.

Of course, with Chekov's crazy accent, he keeps pronouncing it "Romero."


End file.
